[Heizou eyes that drink for a moment, letting the forced smile on his face slowly fade. And then he does eventually reach for the glass and start to sip at it.
Sorry, Kaveh. He'll get back to you in just a second.]
[The thing about Heizou is that he never talks about himself. He kind of hates it, and that's why he prefers to ask questions and make deductions. Sometimes it feels like he doesn't even remember how to talk about his personal life, his feelings, his troubles.
So he just drinks. Drinks and pets the cat and then occasionally ends up staring blankly off into space for a while.]
[It becomes clear after a while that Heizou won't start talking on his own. Kaveh mulls this over and sighs, but vanishes back into the kitchen, only to return with a couple of mugs of a deeply fragrant tea.]
Here. I don't know how chai will suit Inazuman tastes in tea, but.
[He sets the mug down, and then takes a seat on the couch.]
Then why tell me first? Why tell Alhaitham first? That has nothing to do with his family. That has to do with his cowardice.
[It might be the first time Heizou's seen Kaveh truly angry. Fury is something bright and flickering in his eyes, but he cuts himself off, takes a deep breath, sighs.
It's not unnerving to Kaveh. he knows what it means, for someone like Heizou to stop smiling.]
--That's hardly the point. It does matter. Your feelings matter, and if he was so scared of losing you, they should have come before me.
[Heizou frowns a little, turning back to his drink (not the tea) as if it'll give him some solace.]
Telling you two costs him nothing. You're kind and likely to forgive him, and will soften any blow from Alhaitham who poses the greatest physical threat because of his active dislike for him.
[He doesn't talk about how his feelings matter. Because clearly they don't.]
Don't I? You're standoffish and you don't trust people easily, but you're also inquisitive, and kindhearted, and you get invested in helping even strangers.
[He sighs, and leans down a little, to be at eye level.] But even if none of that were true, I still would say you didn't deserve this.
[Fuck it. Heizou downs the rest of his drink in one big gulp before putting the glass back on the table. Time to keep petting the cat.]
It- It doesn't matter, Kaveh. It's already done. And now everyone from Teyvat knows, so. [He shakes his head a little.] He doesn't have to hide anymore.
[He's just. Going to keep very focused on watching the way Shadowlily's fur parts around his fingers as he pets her. His expression very carefully blank.]
[...Kaveh does know, if Alhaitham were to walk in the room he'd have something horrifically blunt and unexpectedly profound to say--maybe that would even be of more help to Heizou, right now. But maybe it wouldn't be, and Kaveh is the one standing here.
So he doesn't say anything, and just reaches out, to pull Heizou into a hug. Shadowlily might be a bit squished between them but she has truly never been happier.]
[He doesn't return the hug, exactly. But he certainly doesn't fight it. If anything he's probably pulling the cat in a little closer while he ducks his head down into Kaveh's chest. Like he's hiding there. And taking deep, shuddering breaths now that no one can see him.]
[Well, he'll count that as a success. And Kaveh gives excellent hugs.]
...You know, I was fifteen, when my mother left for Fontaine. [He says it kind of conversationally, because Kaveh is going to use his own trauma as a circular route to try and make a point here.]
She couldn't smile or draw in Sumeru, or looking at my face--it's funny, everyone always says I look like her, but all she ever saw was my father in me. So I told her to go, and she went. She's never come back to Sumeru since.
[He exhales slowly.] ...It was the right thing for her to do. And I...thought I deserved how it ended up for me.
[Heizou is quiet as he just listens, still taking those stuttered breaths in his little hiding place. It's easier to listen. He prefers Kaveh talking about literally anything than the anxious, circular buzzing in his own brain. He's not sure what exactly Kaveh's point here is, but he still lets the man talk.]
[He goes quiet again, just thinking that through. Kaveh isn't necessarily wrong, and he knows it. But it doesn't alleviate any of the weight in his chest, or bring any warmth or comfort to what feels like a cold gaping hole inside of him.
Kaveh's question makes him stop moving, hands still where he'd still been absently petting Shadowlily.]
...No.
[Heizou's voice is very quiet as he admits this. Small and vulnerable and so, so sad.]
Then...you can let yourself be angry. Be sad. Be hurt.
[Kaveh's voice grows a little softer.]
None of that feeling...goes away if you try to shove it down or will it away. It just builds, and builds, and builds, until it can't be contained, and snaps. That...isn't an experience I'd wish on anyone.
[Heizou lets out a long, shuddering sigh, ducking his head further out of sight against Kaveh's chest.]
...I'm tired of hurting.
[That's why he keeps trying to push it away, further and further with all the strength he can possibly muster. But Kaveh's right. It just build and builds and it feels like it's swallowing him whole. Months of waiting for Lyney to tell him the truth that he'd been slowly piecing together, quietly waiting and hoping for there to be enough trust or security or something so that he'd feel able to tell him. All that patience just to get thrown in his face when he has to hear it from someone else. It feels like it's eating Heizou alive.]
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Sorry, Kaveh. He'll get back to you in just a second.]
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Someone did it for him, didn't they? He can do it for Heizou, now.]
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So he just drinks. Drinks and pets the cat and then occasionally ends up staring blankly off into space for a while.]
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Here. I don't know how chai will suit Inazuman tastes in tea, but.
[He sets the mug down, and then takes a seat on the couch.]
...He took this long to tell you, did he?
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And then he finally looks at Kaveh. His eyes look hollow and cold again.]
...It seemed like I was last on their list.
[And he's including Freminet in that statement. Since that's who he actually heard it from.]
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[Kaveh hisses, and pinches the bridge of his nose. Of all the...]
They told me a few days ago. I think I was the first. But I told him it should always have been you long before it was me. I'm sorry.
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It might be a little unnerving when he isn't smiling for once.]
...It doesn't matter. The House is his family. That will always come first for him.
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[It might be the first time Heizou's seen Kaveh truly angry. Fury is something bright and flickering in his eyes, but he cuts himself off, takes a deep breath, sighs.
It's not unnerving to Kaveh. he knows what it means, for someone like Heizou to stop smiling.]
--That's hardly the point. It does matter. Your feelings matter, and if he was so scared of losing you, they should have come before me.
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[Heizou frowns a little, turning back to his drink (not the tea) as if it'll give him some solace.]
Telling you two costs him nothing. You're kind and likely to forgive him, and will soften any blow from Alhaitham who poses the greatest physical threat because of his active dislike for him.
[He doesn't talk about how his feelings matter. Because clearly they don't.]
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[Kaveh crosses his arms, staring at Heizou.]
Heizou. Listen to me. You did not deserve to be treated this way.
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You don't know that. You don't know me.
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Don't I? You're standoffish and you don't trust people easily, but you're also inquisitive, and kindhearted, and you get invested in helping even strangers.
[He sighs, and leans down a little, to be at eye level.] But even if none of that were true, I still would say you didn't deserve this.
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It- It doesn't matter, Kaveh. It's already done. And now everyone from Teyvat knows, so. [He shakes his head a little.] He doesn't have to hide anymore.
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[Shadowlily is doing her best here.]
What do you really want?
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...I don't want anything right now.
[He wants to stop hurting.]
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So he doesn't say anything, and just reaches out, to pull Heizou into a hug. Shadowlily might be a bit squished between them but she has truly never been happier.]
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...You know, I was fifteen, when my mother left for Fontaine. [He says it kind of conversationally, because Kaveh is going to use his own trauma as a circular route to try and make a point here.]
She couldn't smile or draw in Sumeru, or looking at my face--it's funny, everyone always says I look like her, but all she ever saw was my father in me. So I told her to go, and she went. She's never come back to Sumeru since.
[He exhales slowly.] ...It was the right thing for her to do. And I...thought I deserved how it ended up for me.
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...But?
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[Kaveh exhales a little unsteadily.]
No one else I've ever told about what happened agreed I deserved it, though.
[Mind you, that is a grand total of two people, but details.]
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[Heizou agrees with these faceless other people. Kaveh is too kind for his own good, sometimes.]
...Are you saying it's best that I let him go?
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[And he has Opinions about that.]
I can't tell you whether or not letting him go is right. Did you want to?
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Kaveh's question makes him stop moving, hands still where he'd still been absently petting Shadowlily.]
...No.
[Heizou's voice is very quiet as he admits this. Small and vulnerable and so, so sad.]
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[Kaveh's voice grows a little softer.]
None of that feeling...goes away if you try to shove it down or will it away. It just builds, and builds, and builds, until it can't be contained, and snaps. That...isn't an experience I'd wish on anyone.
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...I'm tired of hurting.
[That's why he keeps trying to push it away, further and further with all the strength he can possibly muster. But Kaveh's right. It just build and builds and it feels like it's swallowing him whole. Months of waiting for Lyney to tell him the truth that he'd been slowly piecing together, quietly waiting and hoping for there to be enough trust or security or something so that he'd feel able to tell him. All that patience just to get thrown in his face when he has to hear it from someone else. It feels like it's eating Heizou alive.]
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